The Wolf
by DaniiButNotBeck
Summary: Shapeshifter AU. Alex is a shapeshifter, Olivia is a forest ranger.
1. Chapter 1

Title:

Pairing: Alex Cabot/Olivia Benson

Rating: T

Author's Note: As always, these characters aren't mine. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

For Providence26, without whom this story never would've gotten written.

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* * *

Chapter 1

Early-evening light shines down through the trees, sparsely illuminating the forest floor.

The lack of light doesn't bother the wolf; she lies in wait, hidden in the underbrush, the threat of losing the pack's next meal keeping her silent.

The world around her is quiet, still – everything has slowed as the forest prepares to settle down for the night.

The wolf smells the deer before she actually sees it - it's sweet, mouthwatering. As soon as it comes into view, the wolf is up and running, and then she is lunging.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, the wolf recalls her mother berating her for this behavior. _You're a human, for God's sake_, she'd say, _get your food like a human does_. But she's always preferred this way.

The deer falls, dead before it hits the ground. Its blood is warm in the wolf's mouth and it covers her muzzle like a prize.

She drags the carcass back to the pack, relishing in the warmth of their praise.

She smirks her wolf-smirk, her white fangs glinting in the setting sun, at the younger wolf beside her. _See?_ the swish of her tail seems to say, _I'm still far better than you'll ever be._

The younger wolf snarls, the sound loud in his throat. He tenses, his hackles standing, and prepares to pounce.

But the wolf barks a laugh, not even fazed by the younger wolf's behavior. You can try, little brother, she growls, but you're just going to fail.

Just as the younger wolf is about to lunge at his sister, a shadow falls over them, making them drop their tails and ears and cower to the ground.

The Alpha of the pack stands over them, blood staining his muzzle. He looks down at them - his children, for all intents and purposes, whether biological (like the girl) or not (like the boy) - and rolls his wolf-eyes. _Ridiculous, _the irritation oozing off of him seems to say, _absolutely ridiculous; have you two no shame, no common decency; have you two no desire to behave as part of this pack?_

The younger wolves keep their heads bowed, gazes focused on the ground, as the Alpha circles around them. _This behavior is despicable,_ he growls_, if the both of you don't start behaving the way I've raised you to behave, you'll be out on your own. Do you understand me this time?_

The younger wolves nod and the Alpha dismisses them with a sharp bark.

...

* * *

...

Park Ranger Olivia Benson is hopelessly lost. She clutches her map tight in her hand, swearing as she passes the same tree the fifth time.

She stops and looks down at her map, tracing the trail she is supposed to be on with her fingertip. "Shit," she whispers, crinkling her map back up in her hand. "Shit!" She turns around, backtracking back toward the point where she made a wrong turn.

The entrance to the path she missed is so small and sits hidden between two great trees. Honestly, it's no wonder she missed it _again_. She rolls her eyes at herself and heads down the path.

There is a certain kind of peace that comes with being in the woods as it gets dark, Olivia is certain of this. It is quiet - peaceful - and Olivia is sure she could spend her entire night just wandering through the forest.

She stops for a minute, standing in the middle of a clearing, letting the shades of red and orange wash over her. She breathes in deep, letting the smell of pine trees and fresh underbrush fill her with a lightness she hasn't felt since...well, it's been a long time.

She continues following the path, the familiarity of it all very comforting; she has, in fact, travelled this particular path hundreds of times, even if she misses the entrance at least once per week.

She walks without watching the ground - a rookie mistake if there ever was one, especially considering the unevenness of the forest floor with its rising roots and emerging boulders and fresh underbrush.

And so, like a rookie, she trips and falls, tumbling dramatically downhill, and crashes painfully into a large tree. She sits up with a loud groan, holding her head. Dazed, she looks around, trying to regain her bearing, just to find she is face-to-face with what may be the largest wolf she has ever encountered.

"Oh dear God."

The wolf smirks his wolf-smirk, his fangs glinting in the dim light. He watches Olivia through narrowed eyes, following her rapid breathing like she is dinner.

Olivia swallows hard, willing herself to keep completely still. _It's going to be okay,_ she thinks. _I'm going to make it through this._ But even as the words pass through her mind, she does not believe them.

The pack flanks their Alpha, grinning their wolf-smiles. It's been so long since they've had human for supper; their mouths are watering.

The Alpha crouches low, preparing to strike. His hackles stand tall and the growling in his chest deepens until Olivia feels like she is standing in the center of thunder.

As quickly as the wolf's warm breath washes over Olivia, it is gone, replaced by hot droplets of blood.

Olivia watches in stunned silence as the two wolves fight. Their snarling and growling vibrate her body and the biting and ripping and clawing is horrifying, but she can't bring herself to look away.

By the time the fight ends - when all the blood has been shed and the battle has been won - the Alpha stands over the beaten wolf, his muzzle covered in her blood and fire in his eyes. _If I ever see you in my territory again,_ he growls, _I will kill you._

The injured wolf nods, her eyes fluttering shut.

The Alpha beckons for his pack to follow him. They file past Olivia, no longer focused on her.

As soon as the pack is out of sight, Olivia scrambles over to the injured wolf. She sits beside her, pushing matted and bloody fur out of her eyes.

"You're going to be okay," she says, looking over the wolf's wounds; they're bad - deep gouges, bloody patches of missing fur, at least one or two broken bones - but Olivia is almost confident she can she can heal her.

She stands on shaking legs and gently lifts the wolf from where she lies. The wolf whimpers in pain, and Olivia starts the long trek back to her house.

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

Title: The Wolf

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

I'm so happy you guys are excited for this story! I can't wait for you to see where it takes us!

.

* * *

Chapter 2

The walk back to Olivia's cabin feels like it takes forever. Olivia staggers and stumbles under the wolf's weight, and the trip back takes longer than she hoped for, but she leans heavily against the door when she gets there and her hand is slick with the wolf's blood as she grasps the handle but she manages to get the door open.

She carries the wolf into her bathroom and very gently lowers her into the bathtub. She turns the water on to warm and waits as it fills the tub. The wolf watches her through half-closed eyes and Olivia is not afraid.

She finds a washcloth and covers it in soap, dipping it in the water. She starts by cleaning the blood off the wolf's face, revealing blue eyes surrounded by black fur, almost as if the wolf is wearing glasses, and a silvery-blonde face.

The wolf's eyes flutter shut and for a moment Olivia thinks the wolf has succumbed to her injuries, but the wolf lets out a low moan and her body begins to contort and lengthen. And Olivia freezes with her hand in midair, transfixed by what is happening in her bathtub. She's almost tempted to look away, but by the time she tears her eyes away, the wolf is gone, replaced by a very scared-looking, very-naked, _human_ girl of no more than 22.

Olivia swallows hard. "Okay," she says. She rinses the washcloth off in the tub and reapplies more soap. Very gently, she continues cleaning the cuts on the wolf's - no, _the girl's _\- face and washing away the blood.

The girl in the tub fidgets, her eyes wide in fear. "I'm okay," she says. "You don't need to do that."

Olivia pauses in her ministrations, shaking her head. "I'm almost done," she says. "If you could just hold still for a few more seconds, I'll be able to finish up"

"I'm okay," the girl says again. "The cuts will heal."

"And the broken leg?"

The girl winces. "You noticed it."

It is not a question, but Olivia responds anyway, "I did. I suppose it will heal too?"

"I imagine so," the girl says with a shrug.

"Right." Olivia nods. "Well, I'm gonna let you finish showering then. I'll leave some towels and some clothes on the heater, and I'm gonna go make something for dinner; I'm sure you're hungry after...whatever that was."

The girl nods, watching as Olivia makes her way out of the bathroom. "Thank you," she calls, after the door has shut.

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* * *

.

By the time the girl has finished showering and gotten dressed, dinner is almost ready. She emerges from the bathroom in flannel pajama pants that are just a bit too short and a baggy t-shirt. Her blonde hair is tied back in a ponytail at the base of her neck, and she limps as she makes her way from the bathroom to the kitchen.

"Better?" Olivia asks, as the girl falls into a seat at the kitchen table.

The girl nods. "Yeah," she says, "thanks."

"How's your leg?"

"Sore."

Olivia nods, shifting food from the frying pan on the stove to the plates on the counter. "You should make sure you get to the hospital. I can bring you if you don't want to go alone."

The girl shakes her head. "I'll be okay."

"If you're sure." Olivia brings the plates of food to the table, setting one in front of the girl and the other in front of the empty seat opposite her. Before sitting, she grabs a first aid kit off the counter and sets it on the table. "There's a nasty cut on your back," she says, "and it's going to bleed through the shirt."

The girl sighs. "Will it make you happy if I let you bandage it?"

"Possibly."

The girl shakes her head, the ghost of a smile playing at her lips. "Fine," she says. Turning in her chair, she lifts the back of the shirt so Olivia can get to the wound.

Olivia kneels behind the girl and pulls a few alcohol pads out of the first aid kit. She cleans the wound carefully, apologizing profusely each time the girl winces. Once the wound is clean, she presses the bandage onto it and smiles. "All better," she says.

"Thank you, doctor," the girl says, letting her shirt fall over her back. "Is it okay if I eat now?"

"Yeah," Olivia says. "Yeah, of course! Sorry, I probably should've told you to eat while I was doing that."

They eat in silence for a few minutes, and then the girl says, "So you're a forest ranger, right? I think I've seen you around a few times."

"Yeah," Olivia says. "My name's Olivia."

The girl looks down at her plate, blushing lightly. "Alex," she says. "I should've asked your name a while ago since you ever-so-casually brought me into your home and cleaned me up."

Olivia laughs. "That's okay, Alex. You were pretty wrapped up with some serious injuries."

Alex nods. "Thanks again for helping me out," she says. "You didn't have to do that."

Olivia shrugs. "You saved my life, it was the least I could do."

"And thanks for, you know, not freaking out when I shifted in your bathtub. I'm usually pretty good about shifting when I want to rather than involuntarily; I don't know what happened in there." Alex looks up at Olivia who suddenly looks more confused than she'd ever admit to actually being. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Olivia grins sheepishly. "Not really, no."

Alex laughs quietly. "That's okay," she says. "It can be a little overwhelming at first." She sets her fork on the edge of her plate, looking at Olivia seriously. "I'm a werewolf."

Olivia pauses. Blinks. Then, "I can see how that could be overwhelming."

Alex laughs, settling back into her seat. "You've already taken it better than most people. Most of the time I have people trying to place their silver jewelry on me as if it will actually kill me." She rolls her eyes. "And then there are those people that want me to bite them so they can be a werewolf, and they get so upset when I tell them that I can't."

Olivia nods. "That must be irritating."

"It is," Alex says. "Are you okay, Olivia? You're looking a little...overwhelmed."

Olivia nods quickly. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." She takes a generous gulp of her water. "I'm just feeling a little lost, that's all."

"It's a lot to take in. But you've already made it this far, so that's good. And you saw me shift which is a definite plus."

"A plus. Right."

"Maybe you should lie down."

"That's probably a good idea." She stands and dumps her plate in the sink. "You're welcome to stay, if you want. The guest bedroom is empty."

Alex nods. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, and...thank you," Olivia says, "for this afternoon."

"You're welcome." Alex smiles, watching Olivia walk into her bedroom. She waits for a while, until she is sure Olivia is asleep, then she scribbles a note on a pad of paper and slips out of the house into the dark of the night.

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

Title: The Wolf

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

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* * *

Chapter 3

The next morning, Olivia wakes earlier than usual. She showers, towel dries her short hair, then pulls on her uniform. She spends a few extra minutes looking at herself in the mirror before finally deciding that her hair is as tame as she's going to get it.

She walks out of the bathroom and down the short hallway to check on Alex. Looking into the guest bedroom, she frowns at the empty room and the still-made bed.

Heaving a sigh, Olivia walks into the kitchen, stopping short at the sight of Alex's pajamas scattered over the floor. "Well that explains a lot," she mutters, bending to clean up the mess of clothes. When she stands, she catches sight of the notepad resting on the kitchen table. She pulls the notepad to her and attempts to decipher the messy message written upon it.

_Olivia-_

_Thank you again for taking me into your home and bandaging me up. You didn't have to do that and I am eternally grateful. I apologize for leaving, but I must in order to keep you safe. You're a good person, Olivia, and I'd like it if you would stay alive. Perhaps, in another life, we'll meet again. Take care._

_-Alex_

Olivia nods, tossing the notepad back on the table. "Dramatic much?" she says, rolling her eyes, though secretly she really is pleased.

Pulling on her boots, Olivia takes one last look at the note before tearing it off the notepad and shoving it into the pocket of her pants. She pulls on her jacket and leaves for work.

...

* * *

...

Weeks pass; Olivia spends her days patrolling the eastern section of the forest and leading nature hikes for eager eight year olds, and her nights reading in front of the fire, secretly hoping Alex will knock at her door.

It is on one of these particular nights that she quite literally stumbles into Alex.

Olivia is relaxing on her couch, reading one of those check-out-line mystery novels, when her fire dies out. She sighs, marking her page, and slips on her slippers, casting a disdainful look at her fireplace.

She opens her door and steps out into the cold night, only to immediately trip over a giant mass of fur. She hits the ground with a sharp intake of breath and a scraped elbow.

The mass of fur lifts its head and looks at Olivia with a mixture of amusement and pity, then lets out a soft whine.

Olivia pushes herself to a sitting position and looks at the mass of fur. "A wolf," she whispers. "Alex?"

The wolf smiles her wolf-smile, her sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight. She tilts her head, watching Olivia.

"I got your note," Olivia says, pushing her hand through her hair. "I thought you were leaving."

Alex the wolf turns and rests her head on Olivia's leg. She lets out a long sigh, closing her eyes.

Olivia shakes her head, laughing quietly. She reaches out and rests her hand on Alex's head, petting it softly. "Don't get me wrong," she says, "I'm glad you stayed, but I wish you told me." She pauses, looking into the house. "N-not that you _have _to tell me. I mean, you're under no obligation to tell me anything. Just - nevermind."

Alex lets out an air of breath that sounds like a laugh and stands, walking into Olivia's house. She jumps up onto the couch and lounges across it.

Olivia stands quickly, grabs a few pieces of wood for the fire, and walks back into her house, closing the door behind her. She replenishes the fire and stacks the rest of the wood in the bin by the fireplace. She sits in the armchair beside the couch, folding her legs underneath her. Grabbing her book off the coffee table, she resumes reading.

Alex watches her for a while, entranced by the way the light flickers over her, illuminating stands of light brown in her hair and casting her in half a shadow.

After a while, she starts to drift off into sleep, but before she gives herself the chance to truly fall asleep, she stands up, shakes, and paws at the door.

Olivia looks up from her book, confused. "If you have to go to the bathroom, you can use the one in the house."

Alex lets out a low whine, scratching at the door.

Olivia sighs. "Alright, alright," she says. She gets up and opens the door, letting Alex out into the night. She waits for a while, leaning against the doorframe, for Alex to come back but she never does.

...

* * *

...

In the morning, Olivia wakes up and temporarily bypasses her shower. She pulls open the door and shakes her head at the sight of Alex the wolf curled up asleep on her porch. "You could've slept in the house," she says, turning back into the kitchen. She searches through the fridge for something Alex can eat. Finding some steak, she dices it up and places it on a plate on the floor. "Sorry it's nothing special. I haven't been food shopping yet so I don't have much."

Alex eats the steak gratefully then hops up onto the couch and falls asleep.

Laughing, Olivia shakes her head and picks the plate up off the ground, tossing it into the sink. Then, she heads into the bathroom to get ready for work.

By the time she has finished getting ready, Alex has finished with her nap and is sitting by the bathroom door.

"Feel like coming to work with me today?" Olivia asks. "I'm teaching basic forest safety to a group of second graders, but I'm sure they'd be more interested in a wolf."

Completely against the idea, Alex almost leaves, but there's something so hopeful in Olivia's voice that she relents and decides to tag along.

.

* * *

.

By the time they return to Olivia's cabin, Alex is ready to never seen another child again. Her fur is sticky from candy and ice cream and her muscles ache from holding still for so long as to not scare the children.

But when she looks up at Olivia and sees the brightest smile she's ever seen, she thinks it's all worth it.

And so this becomes their routine: Olivia finds Alex on her porch every morning, invites her in for breakfast, they spend their days walking Olivia's patrol and hiking with nature groups, and Alex heads to wherever it is that she sleeps as it gets dark.

They live like this for weeks - orbiting around each other - until one morning Olivia opens the door and Alex is standing there, human and human can be, with a duffelbag slung over her shoulder. "Good morning," she says.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Wolf

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

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* * *

Chapter 4

Olivia blinks, standing in the doorway. "You're here."

Alex nods. "I am."

"And you're a...human?"

Alex nods, looking down at her body. "I appear to be."

"Why?" Olivia asks, harsher than intended. "Not _why_. But...why?"

Alex fails to suppress her grin. "Maybe I just like seeing you flustered."

Olivia frowns. "You're not funny."

"I'm not trying to be."

"Be serious, Alex."

"I am; you're cute when you're flustered. I mean, you're cute all the time, but especially when you're flustered."

"Then I must be _adorable_ right now."

"You are," Alex says, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

Olivia grins, looking down at her feet. The silence surrounding the two of them is heavy, filled with possibilities. A shiver runs the length of Olivia's spine and she realizes just how cold it is standing there in the open doorway. She looks up at Alex, still grinning, and steps aside. "You should come in."

Alex nods, smirking. "If you say so."

Olivia rolls her eyes, closing the door behind Alex. "Do you want anything to drink?"

Alex shakes her head. "I'm okay."

"Something to eat?"

"I'm okay, Liv."

"Right. Yes. Okay." Olivia nods, moving from the kitchen to the living room, and sits on the couch. "You can sit. I mean, if you want. You don't have to. You just look like you want to talk about something and I figure the best way to start is by being comfortable."

Alex chuckles and drops her bag on the floor by the door. "I imagine you're correct." She crosses the room and sits on the couch, facing Olivia.

Olivia watches Alex closely, attempting to discern each individual micromovement of her facial expressions but it is no use: Alex's face is an impressive mask of impassiveness. Olivia almost groans; Alex the Wolf is always upfront and honest about her emotions, but Alex the Human is hidden, impossible to read. Finally, she gives up, shaking her head. "You're going to have to tell me what you're thinking."

Alex sighs, pushing her hand through her hair. "I think I owe you a bit of an explanation for my behavior over the past few weeks."

Olivia shakes her head. "You don't owe me anything."

"Okay, then I'd like to give you a bit of an explanation for my behavior over the past few weeks, if you'd like to hear it."

Olivia nods. "Okay."

Alex looks down at her folded hands. "I was thirteen the first time I shifted. I knew it was going to happen; my mother had told me as soon as I was old enough to understand. Of course, she had constantly hoped this genetic disposition would not be passed to me, but it was all in vain; my father's genetics were too strong, and so I was thirteen the first time I shifted." She's quiet for a few minutes, staring at the door. "My father left when I was two years old. He was afraid I would turn out like him and he didn't want that. He's a rougher wolf than I am, all anger and fear. His father raised him primarily as a wolf so it's what he knows. My mother remarried shortly before I turned three; his name was Aaron, and my mother didn't know it at the time but he was also a Shifter."

Alex gets quiet again, and Olivia reaches over and rests her hand on Alex's knee. "You don't have to tell me anything, Alex," she says. "This is your story to know, not mine."

Alex shakes her head and pushes her hand through her hair. "I just...I want you to know why I leave at night, why I can't stay when the lights go out."

"Okay," Olivia says, not moving her hand from Alex's knee. "Take your time."

Alex nods. "As I said, I was thirteen the first time I shifted, and even though it was almost ten years ago, sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday."

…

* * *

…

_May 12, 2005_

The room is small and dark and secured with three layers of concrete and a thick steel door. The single light recessed into the ceiling flickers ominously.

Thirteen-year-old Alex, all long hair and longer limbs, sits in the middle of the floor, tears streaking down her cheeks as pain courses through her muscles and into her bones, contorting her body. She groans as another particularly painful wave rolls over her body and she moves away just enough to not vomit where she is sitting. Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, she sits back up and looks over at Aaron - he's leaning ever-so-casually against the door, watching the scene play out in front of him without a hint of emotion.

He kneels down so he can get a better look at her and tries to school his features into something more _kid-friendly_. "Don't worry," he says, "it'll all be over soon."

But Alex is a _child_, and the concept of associating "it'll all be over soon" with the pain wracking through her body is too foreign to her, and the sudden desire to rip his throat out with nothing but her teeth is so overwhelming that she almost acts on it.

But the moment passes without incident and Alex's mind returns to her control, she looks back at Aaron and he is smiling.

She hates him for the first time in ten years.

"Don't worry," Aaron says as he stands to leave the room, "it'll all be over soon."

Alex looks down at her hands as the door shuts and the lock slides into place and she wonders what they will look like as wolf paws.

It takes another hour for the major part of her first shift to start, but when it does it hits her like a freight train. Her bones crack and break and shorten and change shape, and her body contorts and writhes on the ground as she changes from girl to wolf. The pain is excruciating and it leaves her in a heap on the ground even after she is all wolf and no longer human.

When the last wave of pain subsides, she stands on four shaking legs and walks toward the door. Stopping instantly as the dim light goes out.

Aaron's voice crackles over a loudspeaker, filling the room. "You have to learn to rely on your senses," he says, and then the room is silent again.

Alex sits on the floor, staring at the spot on the wall where the door is supposed to be, unsure if Aaron remembers that she is still just a child.

...

* * *

...

Alex takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I was trapped in that room in the dark for two weeks," she says, staring at the fire, "even after I shifted back into a human. They were afraid I wouldn't be stable enough and I would shift haphazardly and hurt someone."

Alex shakes her head, taking another deep breath. "I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't realize just how heavy it actually was when I decided to tell you that story."

"Don't apologize," Olivia says. "Thank you for telling me."

Alex nods, still staring at the fire. "Thank you for listening."

They're silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asks, turning away from the fire to look at Alex.

Alex nods. "Yeah," she says, "go for it."

"Where do you go when you leave here at night? You don't have to answer that, obviously, but I was just wondering because you don't seem beaten up or anything."

"I...well, I run. The dark makes me anxious, so I run until I'm too tired and then I fall asleep, usually in a ravine or something similar."

Olivia nods. "That sounds lonely," she says.

Alex sighs. "It is."

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Wolf

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

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* * *

Chapter 5

"Sometimes I feel like a monster," Alex says. It has been hours since she told Olivia the story of her life and somehow she has managed to end up with her head in Olivia's lap and her feet resting over the opposite end of the couch.

The fire is roaring and Olivia has to tear her eyes away from it to look down at Alex. She runs her hand through Alex's hair and says, "You're not."

"I could be."

Olivia shakes her head. "I don't believe that for a second."

"You don't know me that well, Olivia."

"You're right," Olivia says, "I don't know you that well, but I can tell you this, Alex: You are not a monster."

"You don't know that, Olivia," Alex says, bolting to her feet. Her lean muscles are tense and she can feel her heartbeat starting to spiral out of control. She crosses the rooms in four long strides and leans heavily against the doorframe, taking long deep breaths. "You don't _fucking_ know that."

Olivia stands, approaching Alex slowly. "Okay," she says gently. "You're right, Alex. I don't know that.

Alex closes her eyes and rests her forehead against the doorframe. Breathing out a shuddering breath, the beginning of a sob rips itself from her chest. "You don't _understand_. There's no way you could possibly know what I've had to do to survive."

Olivia reaches out, her hand barely grazing Alex's elbow. "Al—"

A deadly growl rises in Alex's chest and in an instant her hand is wrapped around Olivia's throat and Olivia is pinned against the door.

Olivia grips at Alex's hand, attempting to push her away, as panic rises in her chest. "Alex," she chokes out, scratching at Alex's hand, "Alex, it's me."

After a few more stressful seconds, Alex's eyes refocus on Olivia's face and her hand immediately drops to her side. Eyes wide, she backs away from Olivia, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process. "Oh my god," she breathes, "Liv, I am so, so sorry."

Olivia shakes her head quickly, breathing in as many deep breaths as she can. She brings her hand up to cover the finger-shaped bruises she knows are forming on her neck. "It's okay," she says. "I'm okay."

"No," Alex barks, "it's not okay. This is what I mean, Olivia. I almost _killed_ you and you're trying to tell me that's _okay_. You don't _fucking_ understand."

"Alex—"

"I have to go," Alex says, carefully trying to avoid touching Olivia as she pulls open the door. "I'm not safe to be around; I'm a monster, Olivia. You can't save me."

The door slams shut behind her and Olivia is left alone.

…

* * *

…

The bruises fade; Alex doesn't return.

Her last words replay in Olivia's mind until she feels them etched on her skin, covering her. _I'm not safe to be around; I'm a monster, Olivia. You can't save me._

"I didn't want to save you," Olivia says to her empty house. She's curled up on her couch, watching the crackling fire, letting the memories of Alex flow through her mind. "You didn't need to be saved. I just wanted you to be here."

She stares long and hard at the fire, hoping it will provide her with some answers.

It doesn't; she watches it until long after the final embers die out and Alex still remains a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

…

* * *

…

The next day, Olivia returns home from shopping in town to find Alex sitting on her front porch. "So," she says, setting her bags down on the porch and unlocking the front door, "you're back."

Before Olivia has a chance to pick back up her bags, Alex grabs all of them and follows her into the house. "I never actually left," she says, kicking the door shut behind her. She sets the bags down on the counters and helps Olivia unload them and put the groceries away.

They work in tense silent until everything is unpacked and put away, and then Olivia turns to Alex and says, "Why'd you come back here, Alex? You made it perfectly clear that I don't understand much of anything about you."

Alex swallows hard, looking down at the ground. "You're right," she says, "I did say all of that, but I was wrong, Olivia. I think you understand a lot more than I give you credit for."

Olivia scoffs. "You're damn right I do."

"And so I'm sorry that I said you didn't understand, and I'm sorry for…the other thing that happened."

Olivia nods, slowly approaching Alex. She places her hand out in front of her, palm up, and waits until Alex places her hand in hers. "I know you didn't mean for that happen, Alex. The important thing is that we try and make sure it doesn't happen again."

Alex nods quickly, eyes wide and earnest. "You're absolutely right," she says, "and I'm working on that. Just try not to sneak up on me or touch me when my back is turned, okay?"

Olivia nods. Taking a step forward, she leans up onto her toes and presses a gentle kiss to Alex's cheek. "Is that okay?"

Alex smiles, her whole body seeming to deflate just a bit. "Yeah," she says, "that's okay."

Olivia grins and leans up again, aiming to press a kiss to the corner of Alex's lips. "How about this?"

But Alex turns her head at the last second and Olivia's kiss lands against her mouth. Olivia lips are hesitant and soft and her body just seems to melt against Alex's. Alex chuckles against her lips, walking them towards the couch.

Olivia's sneaker catches on the rug, sending her tumbling backward over the arm of the couch, pulling Alex with her.

Alex sticks her arms out, hoping to avoid a full-on collision with Olivia, but succeeds on landing directly on her, her hands landing directly on Olivia's breasts.

Olivia smirks, her gaze going from where Alex's hands are situated to Alex's face. "You could at least buy me dinner first."

Alex snorts, blushing, but she makes no move to remove her hands. Instead, she lowers the rest of her body gently so she is straddling Olivia. She leans down and presses a quick kiss to Olivia's lips. "I should go, it's starting to get late."

Pouting, Olivia groans. "Are you sure you can't stay?"

Alex grins, shaking her head. "Not tonight."

Olivia sighs and pushes herself up to kiss Alex again. "Will you come over tomorrow? I was thinking of going into town again."

Alex makes a face, but relents as soon as Olivia begins to pout. "Alright, alright," she says, pushing herself off of Olivia. "I'll be here bright and early then."

Olivia grins, following Alex to the door. "I can't wait."

Alex shakes her head, smiling. She leans down, kissing Olivia once more. "I'll see you in the morning."

Olivia breathes out a sigh, watching Alex scamper off into the forest. _What a day._

* * *

.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: The Wolf

Author's Note: For disclaimer, see chapter one.

.

* * *

Chapter 6

Everything about heading into town is different than Alex remembers it. The road is now a highway with four paved lanes rather than one and a half dirt and gravel lanes, and there is a Walmart where her favorite corn field used to sit.

The weather is unseasonably warm and sunny so the top of Olivia's Jeep is down, and Alex is grinning as the wind whips her hair around her face.

Watching Alex out of the corner of her eye, Olivia smiles. She reaches across the center console and links her fingers with Alex's.

Alex feels the blush light up her cheeks and her smile widens even more. She's so happy - so, so happy, it's like all of the pain from the last ten years can just fade away.

...

* * *

...

The Walmart is packed - as it usually is on Sunday mornings.

Everywhere Alex looks, there are children running around without their parents. Sidestepping to avoid yet another running child, Alex turns around to see what he is running toward and gasps, tightening her grip on Olivia's hand.

Olivia winces slightly. "What's wrong?"

"He has a gun, Olivia, strapped to his back."

Olivia nods. "That's pretty common around here."

"He's a child."

Olivia shrugs, gesturing to the Glock strapped to her hip. "I can't really say much, Al."

Alex huffs. "It's different."

"I know," Olivia says, giving Alex's hand a squeeze, "but there's nothing I can do about it."

Alex sighs, pushing her hand through her hair. She winces slightly as her fingers graze the raised scar tissue toward the center of her head and she sighs, praying Olivia didn't notice. "Still," she says, "it's not safe."

Olivia turns down an aisle, pulling Alex with her. She browses the shelves of soap before deciding to stick to the same one she always uses. She grabs the bottle off the shelf and drops it into her basket. "What kind do you use?"

Alex shakes her head. "Sorry. What'd you say?"

Olivia smirks. "Caught ya staring, didn't I?" She laughs, shaking her head. "What kind of soap do you use?"

Alex shrugs, blushing. "Whatever I can get my hands on, usually."

"Well what do you have at home?"

"I don't…have a home, Olivia."

"_What_?"

Alex stares down at the ground, the scar on the top of her head burning. "I don't…" She trails off, sighing. "Look, can we talk about this somewhere else?"

Olivia nods, and they finish their shopping quickly and in silence. Out at Olivia's Jeep, they load their bags into the backseat and settle themselves into the front and Olivia immediately reaches across the center console and takes hold of Alex's hand.

Alex breathes a sigh of relief and watches out the window as Olivia pulls out of the parking lot.

…

* * *

…

It takes the better part of an hour to get back to Olivia's house, but as soon as they get there Olivia unloads the bags as quickly as she possibly can and puts all of her purchases away. Then, she stands in front of Alex and grins, hope etched into every single microexpression she makes.

Alex frowns slightly. "What?"

Olivia reaches out, taking hold of Alex's hands. "Do you trust me?"

Alex quirks her eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just" – Olivia sighs – "answer the question. Do you trust me?"

Alex nods. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Sleep with me tonight."

Alex's intake of breath is sharp. "_Excuse me_?"

Olivia shakes her head. "Sleep with me tonight. Just sleep. You haven't slept in a bed in…I don't even know how long. So just…sleep with me tonight."

Alex sighs and takes a step back, letting go of Olivia's hands. She rests her back against the closed door and closes her eyes. "Liv…"

"Just think about it, Alex. Maybe…maybe sleeping next to someone you trust could help."

Alex is quiet for a few minutes, chewing on her bottom lip. When she opens her eyes, she has never looked more resolute about anything. She nods. "Okay."

Olivia's eyes light up. "You'll stay?"

"I'll stay," Alex says, "but under one condition."

"Yeah, anything."

"The light stays on."

…

* * *

…

"Do you mind if I use the shower?" Alex asks, returning home from her after-dinner run.

Olivia looks up from her book and nods, noticing Alex is already standing at the bathroom door. "Go right ahead," she says, returning her gaze to her book.

Alex hesitates for an extra moment before shaking her head and pulling off her shirt. "Liv?"

Olivia looks up and her book falls from her lap. She swallows hard and looks anywhere but at Alex. "Yeah?"

"You're welcome to join me. I mean, if you want to."

Olivia squeezes her eyes shut and counts to ten in her head. When she opens her eyes, Alex is looking at her hopefully. "Okay," she says.

Perched on the closed lid of the toilet, Olivia faces the wall the entire time Alex is in the shower, only turning around when Alex asks her for towels.

"Ya know," Alex says, "this is not what I wanted when I asked you to join me."

Olivia laughs, shrugging. "I know," she says, "but it's been a long day. You must know that I want to."

Alex quirks her eyebrow, letting her towel fall to the ground. "Oh yeah?" she says. "Prove it."

"Alex!"

Alex snickers, grabbing the towel off the floor and wrapping it back around herself. "Relax, Liv," she says. "I was here yesterday. I know you want to."

Shaking her head, Olivia rolls her eyes. She grabs Alex's pajamas off the table by the tub and tosses them at her. "Get dressed." Alex's laughter follows her all the way to the bedroom. She flops down onto her bed and seriously considers taking a cold shower.

Alex comes into the room a few minutes later and stands at the edge of the bed, looking more nervous than Olivia can remember seeing her. "Five years," she says.

Olivia sits up, folding back the blankets, thankful she remembered to put clean sheets on this morning. "What?"

Alex sits on the edge of the bed and looks down at her lap, wringing her hands. "Earlier you said that you didn't know how long it's been since I slept in an actual bed." She shrugs. "It's been five years."

Olivia nods and settles into her spot, tapping the spot beside her. Alex swings her feet up onto the bed and moves into the empty spot beside Olivia.

Sighing contentedly, Olivia rests her hand on Alex's stomach. "Is this okay?" she asks.

Alex nods. "Yeah," she says. She moves her right hand up onto her stomach and intertwines her fingers with Olivia's. "Good night, Liv."

"Good night, Alex."

…

* * *

…

When Alex wakes up it is mid-afternoon. She sits up slowly, stretching out her sore muscles. Breathing in the smell of pancakes and bacon, she realizes that she slept through the night for the first time in ten years.

* * *

.


End file.
